Life Testaments/Ethical Wills
Life Testaments, or ethical wills, are a way to share your values, blessings, life’s lessons, hopes and dreams for the future, love, and forgiveness with your family, friends, and community. Although these names frequently cause confusion, Life Testaments/Ethical Wills are simply writings intended to provide loved ones with more formal and tangible expressions of those values, guiding principles, and wishes than conversations that may be planned but never held.
Life Testaments are not new. Their use may be found, for example, in Hebrew Scriptures dating back 3000 years ago (Genesis 49). References to this tradition are also found in the Christian Scriptures (John 15-18) and in other cultures.
Initially, Ethical Wills or Life Testaments were transmitted orally. Over time, they evolved into written documents. “Life Testaments/Ethical wills” are not considered legal documents: they do not convey your wishes in the event of a terminal condition or irreversible come as may be found in a Living Will; nor do they express your wishes as to your materials possessions as may be found in your will.
Today, Life Testaments are being written by people at turning points in their lives: facing challenging life situations and at transitional life stages. They are usually shared with family and community while the writer is still alive, but may also present a person’s legacy of values and beliefs after death.
Life Testaments may be one of the most cherished and meaningful gifts you can leave to your family and community. These personal documents reflects the “voice of the heart.” Think of it as a love letter to your family. Every Life Testament is as unique as the person writing it.
After reading a number of these documents, there are common themes that run through many of them. While many older ethical wills contained burial instructions, blessings, and personal and spiritual values, more modern Life Testaments seem to share the same common themes:
- Important personal values and beliefs;
- Important spiritual values;
- Hopes and blessings for future generations;
- Life’s lessons;
- Love;
- Forgiving others and asking for forgiveness.
There are many personal reasons for writing a Life Testament:
- We all want to be remembered, and we all will leave something behind;
- If we don’t tell our stories and the stories from whom we come, no one else will and they will be lost forever;
- It helps you identify what you value most and what you stand for;
- By articulating what we value now, we can take steps to insure the continuation of those values for future generations;
- You learn a lot about yourself in the process of writing an ethical will;
- It helps us come to terms with our mortality by creating something of meaning that will live on after we are gone;
- It provides a sense of completion in our lives.
Here are some occasions when you might consider writing an Life Testament.
Betrothed Couples:
Today, the overall divorce rate in our society has “declined” to about 50%. However, 70% of divorces occur within the first 5 years of marriage. A Life Testament can help a couple to clearly understand each other’s values, and it can contribute to building a foundation of common values for the marriage.
Expectant and new parents:
It’s been said that children don’t come with a “user’s manual.” A Life Testament at this stage will provide a foundation of common values upon which to approach childrearing. In addition, it can help in conflict resolution by increasing the understanding of each other’s important values.
Divorcing Couples:
Even in divorce, a Life Testament can provide some security and reassurance for the children involved, by providing tangible evidence what’s important to their parents. It’s even possible that in a divorce situation, the “blame factor” might be minimized.
Growing families:
For growing families a Life Testament can be used to teach values to the children. By writing these values on a document, it has the potential to improve communication with the children.
Empty-Nesters
Provides the opportunity to launch adult children and enter into a new relationship phase.
Middle age and beyond:
This is one life stage that writing a Life Testament is most fitting. It is an opportunity to harvest our life experiences, convert these experiences into wisdom, and allow for the fulfillment of the responsibility of passing this wisdom on to future generations
End of Life:
If energy and time permits, writing a Life Testament at the end of life adds a transcendent dimension to our lives by providing a link to future generations. In essence, you are providing your legacy of values and beliefs for a time when you are gone.
Writing a Life Testament may seem difficult. However, it can be viewed as the writing of a love letter to your family. Life Testaments can include personal and spiritual values, hopes, experiences, love, and forgiveness. It may well be one of the most cherished gifts you can give to your family.
Here are three basic approaches for creating your Life Testament.
Approach #1
Using an outline structure and a list of items to choose from. This is by far the easiest way to get started and it can build your confidence quickly. You can create a rough draft to work from in less than an hour. The Ethical Will Writing Guide Workbook and The Ethical Will Writing Guide software were developed for this approach. This approach is also covered in Ethical Wills: Putting your values on paper.
Approach #2
Using guided writing exercises to help you create content for your Life Testament. The Ethical Will Resource Kit contains several guided exercises to help you. Ethical Wills: Putting your values on paper contains even more exercises.
Here are some ideas to help you get started.
- Over time, write down ideas --a few words or a sentence or two about things like:
- My beliefs and opinions
- Things I did to act on my values
- Something I learned from grandparents / parents / siblings / spouse / children
- Something I learned from experience
- Something I am grateful for
- My hopes for the future
- Write about important events in your life
- Imagine that you only had a limited time left to live. What would you regret not having done?
- Save items that articulate your feelings, e.g., quotes, cartoons, etc
- Review what you’ve collected after a few weeks or months
- Clump related items together -- patterns will emerge
- Revise and expand the related categories into paragraphs
- Arrange the paragraphs in an order that makes sense to you
- Add an introduction and conclusion
- Put this aside for a few weeks and then review and revise
Approach #3
Starting with a blank sheet of paper. This is the most open-ended approach. Keeping a journal or diary is an excellent way to write about your thoughts, feelings, and experiences. Over time, review what you’ve written. Themes will emerge from which you can create a comfortable structure for your Life Testament.
|
